Dr. Umar Johnson: Where is My Daddy? Debunking the Black Male Myth

Statistics on Absentee Fatherhood

Every parent needs to read this, especially every father!

The Impact of Absentee Fatherhood on Children’s Sexual Development

--- The absence of a biological father increases by 900 percent a daughter’s vulnerability to rape and sexual abuse by boyfriends of custodial mothers.  (Fatherlessness statistics. National Fatherhood Initiative)

Dr. Rick Wallace Ph.D.

--- The absence of the father for boys has been linked to greater occurrences of effeminacy, higher
dependence, less successful adult heterosexual adjustment, greater aggressiveness or exaggerated masculine behavior.  (Rekers, George, University of South Carolina of Medicine)
--- Data from the National Health Interview Survey indicated that both male and female adolescents who come from non intact families are more likely to have had sexual intercourse.  (National Fatherhood Initiative)

Men we have to take the reigns of our responsibilities as fathers, husbands, coverings, providers and protectors.

To read more about the plight of our children click here ===> http://ow.ly/yRmIw

An Identity Crisis

An Identity Crises

Fathers have great impact potential.

“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a dedicated nation, [God’s] own purchased, special people, that you may set forth the wonderful deeds and display the virtues and perfections of Him Who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.” (1 Peter 2:9 AMP)

The preceding verse of scripture speaks to the identity of the believer. The believer is chosen, sanctified, and elevated for the purpose of wonderful deeds and to display the virtues and perfections of the One that called them out of darkness into His awesome and marvelous light.

Just as we believers receive our identity from God, so do our progeny receive their identity from us as men. As fathers we provide so much in the way of identity to our children. The following is an excerpt from my book, “The Invisible Father”.

“… In my relationship with my grandfather I also realized what I had missed by not knowing my father. The role of a father far exceeds that of a provider. A father is a label giver, a role model, a standard bearer, and more. When I say a label giver, I am speaking of the father’s ability to assist in developing a positive self-image within his children. A simple definition of self image is what a person envisions them self to be.

Why is self-image so important? Self-image is important because it has a direct impact on behavior and behavior has a direct impact on the outcome of a person’s life. How a person envisions themselves will determine their actions. For instance, if a person perceives themselves to be gifted and capable in a certain area in life, they are very likely to pursue a life within that arena, whether professionally or as a hobby. The reverse will also be true. Should a person perceive themselves to be incapable in any area of life, they will shy away from involvement in activities in that arena. These are simplified scenarios, but you get the picture.

In psychology, the study of visionetics or self-imaging has shown that one of the ways we maintain our sanity is by proving through our actions that our perceived self-image is correct. We cannot perceive ourselves to be one way but do something different and maintain our emotional stability; therefore, how we see ourselves is of immense importance.

Earlier, I alluded to the fact that fathers play a major role in their children’s self-image. This is irregardless to whether they are absent or present. A father that is consistently present in the lives of his children has the opportunity to lend toward the development of a positive self-image, or they can by their words and actions assists in the development of a negative self-image. For instance, if a father spends quality time with his child as well as verbally affirming the child’s worth, he is helping to establish a positive self image. Phrases such as, you’re beautiful; you’re smart; you are responsible; I love you; are all positive label givers. On the other hand, you’re dumb; you’re worthless; you’re bad; you can’t do anything right are obviously negative label givers. Now the absentee father can only be a negative label giver; by his absence, he is saying to his child, you are worthless, you are not worth my time or my love. An absentee father is sending a message to his child that will have a negative impact, with the residual affects carrying far beyond their childhood years…….”

Dr. Rick Wallace 

I have a question for the men that are reading this brief passage: How are you influencing the identity of your Children? In what way are you insuring that your children are developing a positive self-image? I encourage each of you to pour into your children the love and support they so desperately need.

For those of you that have struggled in life because of the absence of a father. I too know your pain, but I can testify that there is a Father that will never leave nor forsake you. This Father will be a constant help in the time of trouble. This Father will guide and protect you. This Father will hold you when you are feeling weak. This Father will rock you to sleep on those restless nights. There is hope.

I am certain of this one thing for sure; if we don’t address the issue of absentee fathers in this country we will continue to see the rapid unraveling of what was once the moral fiber that held this nation together. Dr. Rick Wallace 

Time to Rise!

Okay men, I have spent a great deal of time speaking to the women about raising their standards and understanding their worth.  This morning I want to speak with you about reclaiming your God ordained roles as husbands, fathers, spiritual leaders, community leaders and more. The last three generations have witnessed men abdicate there roles as kings to live as paupers. We have bought into the lie that it is all about us. The world view of secular humanism has convinced us that we are the final authority on what is acceptable.

In our narcissism, we have found it acceptable to dishonor our wives. Languishing the in the dark hole of egocentricity, we have found it to be an acceptable course of action to procreate and then abandon our progeny. We have abandoned our post in lieu of pursuing our selfish desires. We have left our women struggling to fill the void that we left behind.

We have devalued our women by dishonoring their bodies and ravaging their hearts. We have preyed on their vulnerability. We have raped their hearts, destroying their innocence and decimating their trust. We have failed to honor our greatest treasure and our most prominent blessing.

It is time to rise up. It is time to rise up and live in our purpose. It is time to rise up and set the example. It is time to rise up and face our destiny. It is time to rise up and live up to the standard of our design. It is time to rise up and measure ourselves by the word of God. It is time to rise up and help our women understand their worth. Yes, it is time.

We have squandered our gifts for far too long. God is calling and He is asking, "Who is rise up and go?" He I am Lord, send me, I'll go.! I will go where many have refused to go. I will go into the realm of unselfish altruism. I will go into the inner-city streets and touch the lives of the less fortunate. I will go and take a wife to love with a love that reflects you in every way. I will go live as a father growing in efficiency and effectiveness as my children grow.

I will no longer live for self, but my goal is to serve.

Who is willing to stand up with me. Please be advised that this journey does not stop at the borders and boundaries of Facebook. It calls for us to rise up and go into the streets It calls for us to have an impact in the home. It calls for us to live out the true calling of the Church.

John Wesley, the man known as the great revivalist and the father of the Methodist Church on the foundation of one promise: "Give me 100 men that fear nothing but God, and hate nothing but sin, and we will change the world.", ignited a movement. It sounded like a lofty declaration, I'm sure, but Wesley did just what he had promised. He understood the inherent power of a committed man.

This is why I founded 100 Men of Purpose in 2008 as an official arm of Rick Wallace Ministries. It is time for we men to stand up. ~ Dr. Rick Wallace

Getting out of God's Way

October 30, 2012

Getting out of God’s Way
Sharon Jaynes

Today’s Truth
“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns,” - (Philippians 1:6 New Living Translation).

Friend to Friend
He ironed. I watched.

I stood in the door frame of my guest room, watching my nephew Jonathan iron the wrinkles out of his crumpled shirt, the rumpled creases out of his crumpled heart. He ironed and talked. I watched and listened.

Jonathan, my twenty-seven-year-old nephew, stopped by for a visit on his way to a wedding in my hometown. I’ll take every opportunity to spend time with my two nephews, Stu and Jonathan, and their sister Grace Ann. I’ve always been convinced that the stork dropped them off at the wrong address, missing my doorstep by 200 miles or so. I’m just crazy about them.
But life hasn’t been so easy for this precious nephew, or his siblings. While they have an adoring godly mother, it has been the absence of a father that has left a lingering ache – an oozing wound. Each one has reacted differently to the abandonment, but it has been Jonathan, the youngest, who seems to have struggled the most.

I’ve always known that God had a special plan for Jonathan. The shaping and molding by God has been fierce, intentional, deliberate. But today he ironed.

“Aunt Sharon, can I borrow your iron to press my shirt for the wedding?”
“Sure, Bud,” I replied as I pointed him to the board.

I plugged the iron in the outlet, leaned against the doorframe, and watched.
As Jonathan moved the iron back and forth across the wrinkled fabric, he ironed out much more than a shirt. He ironed out the wrinkles in his heart, pressed out the pain of life without a dad, smoothed out the hurt of abandonment, and steamed out the stubborn creases of years of questions. Why did his dad leave? Why wasn’t he worth sticking around for? Why wasn’t he worth the effort? Why was he more affected and infected by the virus of abandonment than his siblings?

He ironed.

He pressed.

He talked.

I watched.

I listened.

I prayed.

I loved.

“God has done so much for me and in me,” he explained. “It has taken a long time, but He has healed me. He has mended my heart. I’m ready to move on now. More than my dad coming home to me, I pray that he will come home to Jesus. That’s what I want more than anything.”
Twenty minutes later, Jonathan finished ironing. One shirt. One heart.

You know, I could have said, “Hey, let me just iron that for you.” I could have finished the job in two minutes or less. But this was not about ironing a shirt. This was about pressing out the rumpled creases in a young man’s heart. I couldn’t do that. Only he and God could. Jonathan needed to hold the iron of God’s love and move it back-and-forth, back-and-forth, until the rumpled mess was smoothed. My job was to watch. To listen. To pray. To love.

How about you? Is there someone in your life that has a wrinkled wounded heart? Have you yanked the healing tool of God’s love out of His hand and tried to iron out his or her problems yourself? Did you ever consider that you might be standing in the way of what God is trying to do? Those are hard questions. Perhaps you have thought that you could solve a problem or heal a heart quicker than waiting on God. Perhaps you’ve stepped in where you were never meant to step. (Speaking of stepping…I think I’m stepping on some toes. Mine are starting to hurt too.)

It’s hard not to step in! Our momma’s heart wants to help. We don’t like to see our kids, or anyone, hurting. But just as the caterpillar has to struggle to emerge from the cocoon, a soul has to struggle in the dark places of life in order to soar. And we shouldn’t mess with that.
It was such a joy to hear how Jonathan had pressed through the pain and let God iron out his questions – how God had smoothed out the bumps in the rocky road of adolescence after abandonment. He wears his mended heart well. That doesn’t mean that it won’t need a touch up pressing when daily life ruffles-up the fabric of his heart from time to time. But I have every confidence that he and God will iron out the wrinkles together.

And the shirt? It looked pretty good.

Let’s Pray
Dear Lord, forgive me for trying to fix other people’s problems when they are not mine to fix. Today, I’m committing to watch, to listen, to pray, and to love. Help me not to get in Your way of what You are doing in someone else’s life.
In Jesus’ Name,
Amen.

A Wake Up Call: Time to Build Your Legacy

A Wake Up Call

As a minister of God’s Word, an author and a business man it is easy for me to find myself striving toward the next goal and caught up in the lures of life. Even as a minister, pushing to accomplish the vision without proper consideration being given to priorities and God’s ultimate will can easily lead to failure in ways that you may not be aware of.

When I wrote The Invisible Father almost six years ago, the vision was clear and the message was lucid; Men, it’s time to step up.” What wasn’t clear to me at the time is that even in pursuing a great cause like bringing men back into the functionality of their Divine design as husbands, fathers, community leaders, coverings, providers and more can lead to misdirecting energy and effort. In other words, it is extremely easy to get caught up in the cause and miss your own opportunities to grow in the same area.

I was having a conversation with my youngest daughter this past weekend. For the most part, the conversation went as usual. I spend a lot of time with my daughters confirming their identity and self-worth. This was another one of those times. Somewhere in the conversation between me telling her how beautiful, intelligent, and exceptionally creative she is, a light came on in my head. Rick, your ministry, your message, your anointed calling is extremely important, but your role as a father will leave a much greater and lasting legacy. The question that followed immediately after this epiphany was, “Have I done anything as a father that has made such an indelible mark that it has solidified my legacy as a father and the answer, unfortunately, was no. Had I been there in some way? For the most part. Had I spent time confirming and affirming my children? Yes. Had I told them I loved them? Every chance I got? Yes. Had I given all that I had as a father, had I been consistent as I should, did I reflect God the Father’s love in my love toward them? Not as I should.

I praise God for this revelation because it gave me a new focus. It rekindled a new passion in me. Some would think I would be saddened or discouraged by my less than stellar assessment of my status as a father. On the contrary, I accept the challenge and appreciate the opportunity to rise above the mediocre social paradigms that set the standard for fatherhood in this culture. Am I proud of where I am? No. However, I see how God will use the father that I am becoming to inspire others to follow suit. I am praying that this transparent assessment will motivate other men to do the same. Instead of patting ourselves on the back for the things we are doing right, we should take the time out to discover where we could improve.

Dr. Rick Wallace Ph.D.

Please don’t take this as a disregard of all that some fathers are doing in honoring their filial responsibilities. I solute every man that has remained committed to his paternal responsibilities. I wish more fathers would assume more active roles in the lives of their progeny. I just don’t want us as a whole to settle for the secular standards of fatherhood. I don’t want us to become conceited in our accomplishments and lose sight of the need to continue to rise. There is kingdom work to be done out there and begins with Godly men assuming their God-ordained roles.

Let today be the day that you recommit. Let today be the day that you determine within your being that you will rise. Let today be the day that you establish a covenant with God and your children. Commit to be accessible. Commit to be present (whenever possible, I know that there are fathers that are not in the same City with their children. This means that you have to exert more effort into finding ways to being impactful in your absence.) I have one final question: When you join me? ~ Dr. Rick Wallace

Dr. Wallace is the author of The Invisible Father; Reversing the Curse of a Fatherless Generation.