An Identity Crisis

An Identity Crises

Fathers have great impact potential.

“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a dedicated nation, [God’s] own purchased, special people, that you may set forth the wonderful deeds and display the virtues and perfections of Him Who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.” (1 Peter 2:9 AMP)

The preceding verse of scripture speaks to the identity of the believer. The believer is chosen, sanctified, and elevated for the purpose of wonderful deeds and to display the virtues and perfections of the One that called them out of darkness into His awesome and marvelous light.

Just as we believers receive our identity from God, so do our progeny receive their identity from us as men. As fathers we provide so much in the way of identity to our children. The following is an excerpt from my book, “The Invisible Father”.

“… In my relationship with my grandfather I also realized what I had missed by not knowing my father. The role of a father far exceeds that of a provider. A father is a label giver, a role model, a standard bearer, and more. When I say a label giver, I am speaking of the father’s ability to assist in developing a positive self-image within his children. A simple definition of self image is what a person envisions them self to be.

Why is self-image so important? Self-image is important because it has a direct impact on behavior and behavior has a direct impact on the outcome of a person’s life. How a person envisions themselves will determine their actions. For instance, if a person perceives themselves to be gifted and capable in a certain area in life, they are very likely to pursue a life within that arena, whether professionally or as a hobby. The reverse will also be true. Should a person perceive themselves to be incapable in any area of life, they will shy away from involvement in activities in that arena. These are simplified scenarios, but you get the picture.

In psychology, the study of visionetics or self-imaging has shown that one of the ways we maintain our sanity is by proving through our actions that our perceived self-image is correct. We cannot perceive ourselves to be one way but do something different and maintain our emotional stability; therefore, how we see ourselves is of immense importance.

Earlier, I alluded to the fact that fathers play a major role in their children’s self-image. This is irregardless to whether they are absent or present. A father that is consistently present in the lives of his children has the opportunity to lend toward the development of a positive self-image, or they can by their words and actions assists in the development of a negative self-image. For instance, if a father spends quality time with his child as well as verbally affirming the child’s worth, he is helping to establish a positive self image. Phrases such as, you’re beautiful; you’re smart; you are responsible; I love you; are all positive label givers. On the other hand, you’re dumb; you’re worthless; you’re bad; you can’t do anything right are obviously negative label givers. Now the absentee father can only be a negative label giver; by his absence, he is saying to his child, you are worthless, you are not worth my time or my love. An absentee father is sending a message to his child that will have a negative impact, with the residual affects carrying far beyond their childhood years…….”

Dr. Rick Wallace 

I have a question for the men that are reading this brief passage: How are you influencing the identity of your Children? In what way are you insuring that your children are developing a positive self-image? I encourage each of you to pour into your children the love and support they so desperately need.

For those of you that have struggled in life because of the absence of a father. I too know your pain, but I can testify that there is a Father that will never leave nor forsake you. This Father will be a constant help in the time of trouble. This Father will guide and protect you. This Father will hold you when you are feeling weak. This Father will rock you to sleep on those restless nights. There is hope.

I am certain of this one thing for sure; if we don’t address the issue of absentee fathers in this country we will continue to see the rapid unraveling of what was once the moral fiber that held this nation together. Dr. Rick Wallace