Redefining True Biblical Manhood

As a man who has functioned in the role of a “spiritual leader” for some time now, I have become keenly aware of the fallibility associated with humanity and specifically my own. This may seem somewhat strange coming from a man that claims to speak on behalf of Christ. Well the truth is that if every leader would first be honest with themselves, and subsequently be honest with those whom they are directly and indirectly responsible for, a more vivid and veracious portrait of the Christian landscape would be available to all.

I have always said that I don’t preach from a platform of perfection, but from the depths of a transformed heart. When I look at the current state of manhood in America, I see very little in the way of true biblical manhood. We – as men – have strayed so far off course that our walks remotely – if at all – resemble that of a true kingdom man. The past several years have been some of the most challenging I have faced in my life, but they have left me with an implacable yearning to walk in the will and plan of God.

Make no mistake about it, this ethereal journey I have undertaken has not been without its failures on my behalf – several of them of the monumental variety. The past year has served to introduce me to my humanity in some rather unique ways. In 2 Corinthians chapter 12, the Apostle Paul speaks of a thorn in the flesh. He does not identify the actual nature of the thorn. Many have postulated that is was poor eyesight, while others believe it was more of a spiritual nature. The actual nature of the thorn is obviously irrelevant – being that it is not revealed. What is relevant is the reason behind the thorn. Paul said that the thorn was given to him as a protective measure. Who was the thorn protecting Paul from? A close examination of the text reveals that it was protecting Paul from himself. Paul said that it was given so that he would not exalt himself above measure – become bigheaded.

When God has given you a vision and you begin to walk effectively in that vision, it can be easy to become engrossed in what you have accomplished and lose sight of the One who is enabling your accomplishments. God provides the equalizer so that you don’t become arrogant. With that being said, I am currently dealing with the revelation of my own fallibility. Anyone that knows me understands that I don’t advocate using our humanity as an excuse for failure. Will we fail at times? Absolutely, but that does not mean that we should be content with our failure. We must definitely become acquainted with and aware of our failures, but not for the purpose of developing a quilt complex or to become despondent. Our failure reminds us of our humanity and the need to always have God first. It also reminds us that we need to be compassionate and understanding towards those we oversee.

My thorn has not caused me to succumb to despair or shoulder any form of guilt. It has serve to remind me of my true destiny and encourage me to refocus and regain my footing. It has also reminded me that this life that I live is no longer mine.

It was the Apostle Paul who said:

“I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” (Gal. 2:20, NKJV)

Why am I discussing my thorn? Because in engaging my own fallibilities I have been brought face to face with the greatest challenge facing this nation – the failure to accurately define the biblical man. I do not believe it to be a coincidence that I have been introduced so intimately with my own failures as a man right in the midst of writing a book on biblical manhood. Far too often we tend to see the shortcomings in others without acknowledging our own. This leads to an arrogance complex that makes us think that we are better than those around us.

Another danger associated with the failure to see our own shortcomings is that without acknowledging that we have fallen short of God’s design for our lives, we will never see the need for improvement. One of the most devastating forces associated with the current state of biblical manhood is the belief that we have already arrived.

It is simple, the future of this nation depend on the state of Christian men and their subsequent impact on the culture around them. The first element that must be addressed in this elaborate dynamic is redefining the true biblical man. There are a number of terms being used to describe what people believe is a true man – terms such as godly man, biblical man, kingdom man, real man, and more. Regardless to the terminology used, one thing is evident, the definition of manhood in the scope of his design, must come from the designer himself. We can no longer allow a secular cultural to define a biblical concept. We must define manhood as God has laid it out in His infallible word. We must execute manhood with God in mind.

As we move forward, we will discuss the true nature of manhood as God intended it to be. We will draw the correlation between men failing in their divine design and the spiritual, emotional and social ramifications for such failure.   

It is important to understand this has nothing to do with creating a state of perfection, because perfection in this life can only be produced as an illusionistic concept. This is about men striving to live out their destiny by functioning in their design and manifesting their God-given vision. This is about abandoning our selfish motives and ambitions and adopting a God-first state of mind. It is about understanding our power of influence in the home and the negative impact of our absence in the home. It is about learning that leadership is not about telling someone what to do – instead – it is about showing others what to do and then creating a secure and conducive environment for them to follow through on what you have shown them through your own actions.

If you are like me, you are aware of your fallibility. This is a great place to start. God is not looking for the perfect man, but the man that is willing to commit his heart to Christ as well as surrender to God’s will for his life.

We are the change that this country needs. It begins with us – not by pointing the finger, but by changing ourselves and then facilitating and empowering the change in others. As men, the only thing we should be concerned with at this point is rising to meet the challenge of our destinies. Everything else will fall in line when we do. ~ Dr. Rick Wallace  

10 Foods that will Boost Male Health

Food for Men: 10 Foods to Boost Male Health

1.    Healthy Eating Slideshow: Fat-Fighting Foods

2.    Food Frauds Slideshow Pictures

3.    Take the Diet & Nutrition Quiz

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Foods men should include in their diets to improve health and prevent disease.

By Kathleen Zelman, MPH, RD/LD
WebMD Weight Loss Clinic- Expert Column

Men are different from women in all kinds of ways -- including their nutritional needs. Just as women need particular nutrients during pregnancy or for protection from breast cancer, men need nutrients that can help them maintain muscle mass, prevent prostate cancer, and more.

Many foods that tend to be favorites among men are not the best choices for good health. Yet a healthy diet and regular physical activity can help prevent heart disease and cancer, the No. 1 and No. 2 killers for men over 35. They can also enhance performance, from the board room to the bedroom.

Christine Gerbstadt, MD, RD, notes that any food that is good for the cardiovascular system is also good for erectile function in men.

"Nutrients that are good for the heart improve circulation to all parts of the body, and these same nutrients provide a layer of protection against cancer and other chronic diseases," says Gerbstadt, a Florida-based physician and spokesperson for the American Dietetic Association.

Quality nutrients are also critical for maintaining immune function and preventing bone loss, muscle loss, and oxidative damage from the environment, Of course, any one (or 10) foods can't do the job alone. An overall healthy lifestyle, which also includes not smoking and getting regular physical activity, is what's really important for health, say the experts.

"It is not about one single food or even a handful of foods. What is more important is the pattern of regularly consuming a diet rich in a variety of essential nutrients," says Joy Bauer, MS, RD, author of Joy Bauer's Food Cures and Today Show nutrition expert.

Still, adding nutrient-rich super foods to the diet, as well as taking a daily multivitamin designed exclusively for men (for nutritional insurance), can give men's nutrition a boost, says Dave Grotto, RD, an American Dietetic Association spokesman.

With the help of the experts, WebMD came up with this list of 10 disease-fighting foods that can be a good start to improving health:

Food for Men No. 1: Oysters

Could there be something to the legend that oysters are the food of love? Well, it's true that just a few oysters each day will deliver a full day's supply of the antioxidant mineral zinc. Zinc is involved in hundreds of body processes, from producing DNA to repairing cells.

"Research shows that adequate zinc may protect against cellular damage that leads to prostate cancer," says Grotto. "Sexual functioning of the male reproductive system, including increased sperm counts, is also enhanced with zinc."

You can also get your daily recommended dose of 11 milligrams a day by eating other shellfish, lean beef, lean pork, or legumes.

Food for Men No. 2: Bananas

Bananas are a great portable source of quick energy and are rich in potassium, which is needed to regulate nerves, heartbeat and, especially, blood pressure. Diets rich in potassium and magnesium (which is also found in bananas) can reduce the risk of stroke.

As a super source of vitamin B-6, bananas can also aid your immune system, help form red blood cells, ensure a well-functioning nervous system, and assist protein metabolism. So enjoy a banana each day, at breakfast on your whole grain-cereal or before your workout at the gym.

Not a banana fan? Orange juice, milk, tomato products, and beans are other good sources of dietary potassium.

Food for Men No. 3: Fatty Fish

No list of superfoods would be complete without the healthy fat, omega-3 fatty acids. These polyunsaturated fats are the preferred form of fats in your diet for many reasons. They can benefit the heart, circulation, and immune system and reduce the risk for prostate cancer, among other things.

"Omega-3 fatty acids are potent anti-inflammatory foods that can help lower triglyceride [blood fat] levels, reduce aches and pains in athletes, and offer relief with certain kinds of arthritis," says Bauer.

Fatty fish (salmon, sardines, tuna, mackerel, herring) are the richest sources of omega-3 fatty acids. In fact the American Heart Association recommends that everyone eat fish twice weekly.

You can also get omega-3s in plant-based foods, like flaxseed, walnuts, soy, canola oil, and fortified products such as eggs. But there are other good reasons to eat fish.

"Fatty fish are also a good source of vitamin D, a nutrient that tends to be deficient in our diets and [which] in adequate supply can help prevent cancer, type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and bone disease," says Bauer.

Food for Men No. 4: Broccoli

While virtually all vegetables deserve a place on the superfoods list, cruciferous vegetables like broccoli are helpful in the prevention of heart disease and cancer. It's loaded with vitamin C, beta-carotene, potassium, and a phytochemical called sulphoraphane, which has strong anticancer (prostate and colon) properties.

A recent Harvard study found that participants who had five servings a week of cruciferious vegetables were half as likely as others to develop bladder cancer, a cancer that affects two to three times as many men as women. This super-nutritious green vegetable may also help lower levels of homocycteine, an amino acid associated with increased risk of heart disease and stroke.

Don't care for broccoli? Go for other cruciferous choices like cabbage, bok choy, shredded broccoli slaw, cabbage, cauliflower, or Brussels sprouts.

And did you ever wonder where the term "cruciferous" originates? "It is not because they are crunchy vegetables, but when the buds from this group of vegetables sprouts, their leaves form a cross like a crucifix," explains Denver dietitian Mary Lee Chin, MS, RD.

Food for Men No. 5: Brazil Nuts

These large nuts from Brazil are packed with magnesium and selenium, powerful antioxidants that may help prevent heart disease and cancer and protect prostate health. (Bauer, however, notes that the studies showing reduction in cancer have been primarily in people whose diets were deficient in selenium, not in those who were already getting enough.)

Selenium also helps lower LDL or "bad" cholesterol and reduces the incidence of blood clots and heart disease.

Grotto recommends adults get 55 micrograms of selenium daily from Brazil nuts, dry-roasted nuts, turkey, tuna, or shellfish. Indeed, you can get your daily dose of selenium in just one Brazil nut. In fact, Bauer cautions limiting yourself to no more than two Brazil nuts per day because "they are so loaded and concentrated with selenium that you don't want to overdose."

Food for Men No. 6: Whole Grains

Most men get enough carbs in their diets, but they tend to be the wrong kind, experts say.

"A diet rich in whole grains provides fiber, vitamins, minerals - all the co-factors for heart health, building muscles, and keeping waistlines small," says Gerbstadt.

She suggests trying whole grain pasta or quinoa, a trendy, not-so-whole-grain-tasting grain that's rich in lutein for prostate health.

Oatmeal and barley are rich in soluble fiber, full of B vitamins that can help lower LDL or "bad" cholesterol, and are also good for the prostate. Suzanne Farrell, RD, recommends getting 10-25 grams of soluble fiber a day from oatmeal or other sources of soluble fiber like apples, pears, and beans.

When buying grain products, look for those whose labels say they have at least 3-5 g fiber per serving.

To avoid digestive problems, increase your fiber intake gradually, and don't forget to drink plenty of water.

Food for Men No. 7: Plant Stanols

Stanols are naturally occurring substances in fruits and vegetables that have been shown to lower mildly elevated blood cholesterol levels. Manufacturers are now adding concentrated versions of them to products like margarine, yogurt, orange juice, and granola bars.

"Men should regularly include a total of 2 grams of plant stanols, taken in two doses with meals, to help inhibit absorption of cholesterol in the intestine," says Farrell.

She suggests having 2-3 teaspoons of plant stanol spreads such as Benecol, or 16 ounces of stanol-fortified orange juice per day. Plant stanols can safely be used with cholesterol lowering medication.

Food for Men No 8: Soybeans

Soy is rich in isoflavones, which protect prostate health and have been shown to lower prostate cancer risk, says Gerbstadt.

And "according to a recent study, eating 25 grams or about 1 ounce of soy protein a day can help decrease cholesterol," Farrell says.

The FDA has approved a health claim for food labels that says having 25 grams of soy protein per day, as part of a diet low in saturated fat and cholesterol, can help reduce the risk of heart disease.

Try to eat a few servings a day of soy products, such as soy nuts, soy milk, soy cheese, veggie burgers, tofu, or edamame.

Food for Men No 9: Berries or Cherries

The violet, blue, and red colors in all kinds of berries and cherries are responsible for the healthy properties of these fruits. These little jewels are chock-full of the health-protecting flavonoid, anthocyanin.

"Berries contain over 4,000 different compounds that have antioxidant properties beyond vitamin C, so make sure you include these delicious and low-calorie fruits to help meet your 5+ servings of fruits each day," says Gerbstadt.

Adding berries to the diet may even help slow the decline in brain function that can occur with aging.

"Large studies show the more produce you eat the better, but specifically berries (blackberries, blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, cranberries, and cherries) can enhance brain function and keep your brain healthy," says Bauer.

Food for Men No 10: Red-Orange Vegetables

Vitamin C and beta-carotene are antioxidants that help preserve healthy skin cells and prevent oxidation from the sun.

"Vitamin C is involved in collagen production," says Bauer. "Beta-carotene converts to the active form of vitamin A, which helps to repair epithelial or skin cells."

She recommends getting these nutrients from red bell peppers (just one has 300% of the recommended daily value for vitamin C), carrots, pumpkin, or sweet potatoes.

But for that matter, just about any vegetable should be on the list of top foods for men (and women). Dark, leafy greens and any nutrient-rich vegetable can help reduce the risk of enlarged prostates, according to a recent study in The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition.

Men whose diets are high in nutrients found in vegetables -- like vitamin C, beta-carotene, and potassium - were found to be less likely to develop benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH), or enlarged prostate.

Originally Published Published June 8, 2007.

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SOURCES: David Grotto, RD, spokesman, American Dietetic Association. Christine Gerbstadt, MD, RD, spokeswoman, American Dietetic Association. Joy Bauer, MS, RD, author, Joy Bauer's Food Cures; Today Show nutrition expert. Mary Lee Chin, MS, RD; dietitian. Suzanne Farrell, MS, RD, owner, Cherry Creek Nutrition; spokeswoman, American Dietetic Association. Rohrmann, S., The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, February 2007; vol 85: pp 523-529. Journal of the Society of Experimental Biology and Medicine, February 2007.

© 2005-2013 WebMD, LLC. All rights reserved.
Source article on WebMD

Cinnamon & Honey (Health Cures)

Folk remedies have been around a long time for a very good reason-- they work!

Here is another for the folks: CINNAMON & HONEY
See update of this article at: http://www.newrealities.com/index.php/articles-on-health/item/2933-the-healing-benefits-of-cinnamon-honey

Honey is the only food on the planet that will not spoil or rot. It will do what some call turning to sugar.  Never boil honey or put it in a microwave. To do so will kill the enzymes in the honey. Make sure your honey is untreated, unprocessed and not heated, in other words get as raw as possible. This will have the greatest benefit. Caution: Too much honey of any kind is not good for the body. But a little bit will help some of the following conditions.

The Cinnamon should be organic. Chinese medicine says it is warming and nourishing for the Kidneys.
See about different types of Cinnamon: http://www.newrealities.com/index.php/articles-on-health/item/2934-how-to-differentiate-between-ceylon-and-cassia-cinnamon

Weekly World News, a magazine in  Canada has given the following list of diseases that can be cured by honey and cinnamon as researched by western scientists:

ARTHRITIS: Arthritis patients may take daily, morning and night, one cup of hot water with two tablespoons of honey and one small teaspoon of cinnamon powder. If taken regularly even chronic arthritis can be cured. In a recent research conducted at the Copenhagen University, it was found that when the doctors treated their patients with a mixture of one tablespoon Honey and half teaspoon Cinnamon powder before breakfast, they found that within a week, out of the 200 people so treated, practically 73 patients were totally relieved of pain, and within a month, mostly all the patients who could not walk or move around because of arthritis started walking without pain.

BLADDER INFECTIONS: Take two tablespoons of cinnamon powder and one teaspoon of honey in a glass of lukewarm water and drink it.  It destroys the germs in the bladder.

CHOLESTEROL: Two tablespoons of honey and three teaspoons of Cinnamon Powder mixed in 16 ounces of tea water, given to a cholesterol patient, was found to reduce the level of cholesterol in the blood by 10 percent within two hours.  As mentioned for arthritic patients, if taken three times a day, any chronic cholesterol is cured.  According to information received in the said Journal, pure honey taken with food daily relieves complaints of cholesterol.

COLDS: Those suffering from common or severe colds should take one tablespoon lukewarm honey with 1/4 spoon cinnamon powder daily for three days. This process will cure most chronic cough, cold, and clear the sinuses.  To make it lukewarm, place it in a small jar and let it set in warm water for a while.

HEART DISEASES: Make a paste of honey and cinnamon powder, apply on bread, instead of jelly and jam, and eat it regularly for breakfast. It reduces the cholesterol in the arteries and saves the patient from heart attack.

Regular use of the above process relieves loss of breath and strengthens the heartbeat.   In America and Canada, various nursing homes have treated patients successfully and have found that as you age, the arteries and veins lose their flexibility and get clogged; honey and cinnamon revitalize the arteries and veins.

UPSET STOMACH: Honey taken with cinnamon powder cures stomach ache and also clears stomach ulcers from the root.

GAS: According to the studies done in India and Japan, it is revealed that if Honey is taken with cinnamon powder the stomach is relieved of gas.

IMMUNE SYSTEM: Daily use of honey and cinnamon powder strengthens the immune system and protects the body from bacterial and viral attacks. Scientists have found that honey has various vitamins and iron in large amounts. Constant use of Honey strengthens the white blood corpuscles to fight bacterial and viral diseases.

INDIGESTION: Cinnamon powder sprinkled on two tablespoons of honey taken before food relieves acidity and digests the heaviest of meals.

INFLUENZA – FLU: A scientist in Spain has proved that honey contains a natural ' Ingredient' which kills the influenza germs and saves the patient from flu.

LONGEVITY: Tea made with honey and cinnamon powder, when taken regularly, arrests the ravages of old age. Take four spoons of honey, one spoon of cinnamon powder, and three cups of water and boil to make like tea. Drink 1/4 cup, three to four times a day. It keeps the skin fresh and soft and arrests old age. Life spans also increase and even a 100 year old might start performing the chores of a 20-year-old.

PIMPLES: Three tablespoons of honey and one teaspoon of cinnamon powder paste. Apply this paste on the pimples before sleeping and wash it next morning with warm water.  If done daily for two weeks, it removes pimples from the root.

WEIGHT LOSS: Daily in the morning one half hour before breakfast on an empty stomach, and at night before sleeping, drink honey and cinnamon powder.  Do not boil, but pour one cup of boiling water onto the mixture of honey and cinnamon. Generally start off with a teaspoon of each, and then adjust depending on taste. Remember honey is a sugar based product, so teaspoon is best to start with. If taken regularly, it reduces the weight of even the most obese person. Also, drinking this mixture regularly does not allow the fat to accumulate in the body even though the person may eat a high calorie diet.

SKIN INFECTIONS: Applying honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts on the affected parts cures eczema, ringworm and all types of skin infections.

FATIGUE: Recent studies have shown that the sugar content of honey is more helpful rather than being detrimental to the strength of the body. Senior citizens, who take honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts, are more alert and flexible. Dr. Milton, who has done research, says that a half tablespoon of honey taken in a glass of water and sprinkled with cinnamon powder, taken daily after brushing and in the afternoon at about 3:00 P.M. when the vitality of the body starts to decrease, increases the vitality of the body within a week.

CANCER: Research in Japan and Australia has revealed that advanced cancer of the stomach and bones have been cured successfully. Patients suffering from these kinds of cancer should daily take one tablespoon of honey with one teaspoon of cinnamon powder for one month three times a day.

BAD BREATH: People in South America first thing in the morning, gargle with one teaspoon of honey and cinnamon powder mixed in hot water, so their breath stays fresh throughout the day.

HEARING LOSS: Daily morning and night honey and cinnamon powder, taken in equal parts helps restore hearing.

CONCLUSION:
It is good to take some sort of mixture of cinnamon and honey daily!

An Identity Crisis

An Identity Crises

Fathers have great impact potential.

“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a dedicated nation, [God’s] own purchased, special people, that you may set forth the wonderful deeds and display the virtues and perfections of Him Who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.” (1 Peter 2:9 AMP)

The preceding verse of scripture speaks to the identity of the believer. The believer is chosen, sanctified, and elevated for the purpose of wonderful deeds and to display the virtues and perfections of the One that called them out of darkness into His awesome and marvelous light.

Just as we believers receive our identity from God, so do our progeny receive their identity from us as men. As fathers we provide so much in the way of identity to our children. The following is an excerpt from my book, “The Invisible Father”.

“… In my relationship with my grandfather I also realized what I had missed by not knowing my father. The role of a father far exceeds that of a provider. A father is a label giver, a role model, a standard bearer, and more. When I say a label giver, I am speaking of the father’s ability to assist in developing a positive self-image within his children. A simple definition of self image is what a person envisions them self to be.

Why is self-image so important? Self-image is important because it has a direct impact on behavior and behavior has a direct impact on the outcome of a person’s life. How a person envisions themselves will determine their actions. For instance, if a person perceives themselves to be gifted and capable in a certain area in life, they are very likely to pursue a life within that arena, whether professionally or as a hobby. The reverse will also be true. Should a person perceive themselves to be incapable in any area of life, they will shy away from involvement in activities in that arena. These are simplified scenarios, but you get the picture.

In psychology, the study of visionetics or self-imaging has shown that one of the ways we maintain our sanity is by proving through our actions that our perceived self-image is correct. We cannot perceive ourselves to be one way but do something different and maintain our emotional stability; therefore, how we see ourselves is of immense importance.

Earlier, I alluded to the fact that fathers play a major role in their children’s self-image. This is irregardless to whether they are absent or present. A father that is consistently present in the lives of his children has the opportunity to lend toward the development of a positive self-image, or they can by their words and actions assists in the development of a negative self-image. For instance, if a father spends quality time with his child as well as verbally affirming the child’s worth, he is helping to establish a positive self image. Phrases such as, you’re beautiful; you’re smart; you are responsible; I love you; are all positive label givers. On the other hand, you’re dumb; you’re worthless; you’re bad; you can’t do anything right are obviously negative label givers. Now the absentee father can only be a negative label giver; by his absence, he is saying to his child, you are worthless, you are not worth my time or my love. An absentee father is sending a message to his child that will have a negative impact, with the residual affects carrying far beyond their childhood years…….”

Dr. Rick Wallace 

I have a question for the men that are reading this brief passage: How are you influencing the identity of your Children? In what way are you insuring that your children are developing a positive self-image? I encourage each of you to pour into your children the love and support they so desperately need.

For those of you that have struggled in life because of the absence of a father. I too know your pain, but I can testify that there is a Father that will never leave nor forsake you. This Father will be a constant help in the time of trouble. This Father will guide and protect you. This Father will hold you when you are feeling weak. This Father will rock you to sleep on those restless nights. There is hope.

I am certain of this one thing for sure; if we don’t address the issue of absentee fathers in this country we will continue to see the rapid unraveling of what was once the moral fiber that held this nation together. Dr. Rick Wallace 

Christian Fatherhood

by Michael Joseph

Being a father has a lot of joy and many rewards.  This joy is coupled with responsibility and duty.  It is a mission of love and perseverance of the highest calling.  Jesus said, "When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required." (Luke 12:48).  As we celebrate fathers today let's spend a few minutes reflecting upon the joy, privilege and responsibilities of raising children.

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It is the solemn and sacred responsibility of parents (mother and father) to give their children the instruction, correction and discipline that will establish them with a Biblical worldview and provide an upbringing that is based on a relationship with God and His word.  Parents should be examples for their children of what a Christian is supposed to be, of what a man is supposed to be and of what a woman is supposed to be.  The primary concern of parents should be that of their children's relationship with Jesus Christ.  This focus should be secondary to preparing their children for jobs, professions, ministry in the church or even social standing.

One of the most significant roles a man can fill during his time on earth is that of a father. The Bible has much to say concerning parents and children. Let's take a brief look at what the Bible has to say concerning parents and children.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

Parents cannot abdicate or delegate their roles in their children's lives.  It is the family that holds that greatest responsibility in raising children. It is the father and the mother who are responsible for education (both spiritual and natural). The church and the education system of your country are the supporting cast for what you as a parent are raising your children to be.  Far too often we have allowed the equation to be reversed and parents rely on churches and teachers to be the primary educators of their children.  Most of the men and women involved in these institutions care about the children they instruct and educate and they work hard to be good at what they do.  Regardless of how good a pastor or teacher is at their job they can never fill the role of mom or dad. Being a parent requires that you take ownership of and responsibility for the upbringing and well-being of your child; there can be no passing the buck.

Some have said that fatherhood can be broken down into three main categories:

1. Protect
2. Provide
3. Guide

This is definitely not the complete list but it does encompass much of what takes places between a father and his children.

Lead by Example

So practice and obey whatever they tell you, but don't follow their example. For they don't practice what they teach. (Matthew 23:3)

Before we can be good parents we must first be good people. Before we can provide instruction, provision, protection and guidance for our children we must have our lives founded upon the Word of God and a living relationship with Jesus Christ.  We cannot expect our children to live in a way that we do not. We cannot expect our children to believe in a way that we do not. We cannot expect our children to follow our instructions if we do not provide a living example that mirrors the words that have come from our mouths.

The old saying rings true in our lives and in the lives of our children, "children will listen to what you say but they will believe what they see you do."

Grace and Truth

For the law was given through Moses, but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. (John 1:17)

At our house my wife is referred to as "Grace" by our daughters and I am referred to as "Truth." In families there must be a balance between the empowering love and encouragement that we give to our children and the reality of what is actually taking place in their lives.

This grace and truth I am referring to is not the New Testament theological definitions but that which has developed in my own family that hopefully will make sense to you.

Grace says, "You can be anything you want to be. If you can imagine it, you can do it."

Truth says, "If you don't study and apply yourself you will not be able to succeed."

Grace says, "It doesn't matter if you win or lose, only how you play the game."

Truth says, "Losing is a part of life and you are not supposed to like it; work harder so you can win next time."

Grace says, "People should love you for who you are on the inside."

Truth says, "Only God and your parents love you for who you are on the inside; everyone else will require you to earn their love and respect."

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Grace encourages the gifts, talents and dreams of your children. Truth prevents them from embarrassing themselves when they are not ready (think American Idol auditions).

Grace provides an atmosphere of acceptance, love and possibility. Truth provides a foundation of responsibility, hard-work and achievement.

You cannot choose between the two, children need both.

Parents | Instructors | Friends

For even if you had ten thousand others to teach you about Christ, you have only one spiritual father. (1 Corinthians 4:15)

These are three different roles; parents, instructors and friends. As a father or mother it is your duty to fill the role of parent; not the other two. Parents instruct their children and are definitely friendly with them but they are first and foremost parents.

Filling the role of parent means that sometimes you have to do things that your children will not like. You have to provide discipline. You have to set boundaries. You have to say "no".

You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act. Can you pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? (Matthew 7:16)

Like it or not, our children are a direct reflection of us (their parents). Children are definitely influenced by outside forces like teachers, friends, extended family, pastors, entertainers, etc., but the primary influence in our children's lives is us (their parents).

If your children are allowed to throw temper tantrums at age 3, do not be surprised by the rebellion you experience when they turn 13.

If your children are not disciplined to read, study, pray, worship and witness with the family, do not be surprised if they do not do these things on their own.

If responsibility, achievement and hard-work are not something that you teach your children while they live with you, it should not be a surprise if they struggle early in their adult life.

If there are no consequences to bad behavior or rewards for excellence, it will be challenging for your child to function in the real world where they will be judged on what they do.

The role of a parent is to instruct a child, train a child, love a child, and provide for a child so that they will be successful adults. This will cause great inconvenience in the lives of the parents. It will require significant amounts of time, treasure and sacrifice. It will require that you place your children's needs above your own.

The role of the parent is not to manage a child so that the parent's life can flourish. The role of the parent is to invest into the life of the child so that the child's life can flourish.

Husband and Wives

Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly. (Colossians 3:19)

Fathers play a significant role in the lives of both their sons and their daughters. This influence is both direct and indirect. One of the most meaningful things that imparted to children from their father is the role of the husband.

Sons learn what it means to be husbands by the way they see their father treat their mother. Daughters learn what to expect from husbands by the way they see their father treat their mother. There are always exceptions to every rule, but it is the relationship of our parents that creates our foundational understanding of love.

"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."
Theodore Hesburgh, Catholic Priest and President Emeritus of the University of Notre Dame

There is nothing more powerful in the lives of children than a mother and father, who love God, are filled with the Holy Spirit and who love one another.

Conclusion

As the father of two teenage daughters I work hard to give them everything that I possibly can. The older they get the more I begin to understand my role in their life; I am on half of their launching pad (my wife is the other).  Family has created a resource for them throughout their life. They will be able to look back and see where they came from, what they were taught; the examples we provided.

I will count myself successful if they have learned how to learn. I will count myself successful if they have learned how to make decisions.  I will count myself successful by the friends they make and the men they marry. I will count myself successful by the quality of their character and the message they proclaim. I will count myself successful if they love Jesus with all of their hearts.

To all of the fathers reading, my prayer is that your patience will endure, that you will be steadfast in all that you do and that God will impart His wisdom to you in a powerful way.